5 Foods Even Bacon Can’t Make Better

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Bacon is the greatest. Bacon is wonderful. Bacon cures Cancer and stops earthquakes. Blah, blah, blah ENOUGH! Tired of all this bacon lust. Sure, it’s delicious, but it’s not the most wonderful food ever invented. It does not make everything amazing and delicious. In fact, there are some foods even bacon can’t save, and some that it even ruins.

5. Spam

It’s amazing that Spam is still sold in stores. I guess their are people out there that enjoy their meat in cans. I don’t ever want to meet those people. Not only is bacon powerless over Spam, Spam actually ruins bacon. Now that is a powerful meat.

4. Ham

Adding a part of the pig to another part of the pig actually does nothing to improve either. Both are good all on their own. It actually creates a pork overkill. That’s also what the paramedics will call it when they try and revive you’re lifeless body. “This man had a ham and bacon sandwich! He is on pork overkill! We are going to need the defibrillator!”

3. Rice Cakes

“Dry pieces of insulation. Doesn’t have a good ring to it. Let’s call them rice cakes!” Bacon has no effect on the horribleness that is the rice cake. Also, if you’re putting bacon on a rice cake, you’ve got no clue of the point of rice cakes. They are supposed to be healthy. Which is why they taste like crap. Nothing good for you tastes good. Don’t try and argue.

2. Liver

As a kid, my old man would have liver once in a while, while the rest of the family ate normal food. Liver might be the only food that smells worst than it tastes, which is saying a great deal, because it tastes so God damn awful. Bacon can’t improve the taste but it might improve the smell of the kitchen.

1. Chocolate Chip Cookies

Step away from the cookies. Take your bacon and back off slowly. Don’t make me hurt you. Me and what army? A tree full of elves that’s who!

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